4 Foreplay Tricks You Probably Haven’t Tried

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Foreplay doesn’t just help get you in the mood—it can also feel as good as or sometimes even better than sex.

Since everyone has different turn-ons, the best thing you can do is pay attention to what works for you and then try to recreate it, says Winter. Don’t be afraid to let your partner know when they do something that you like, either. They’ll probably be happy to keep doing whatever gets you going in the future…and they’ll definitely appreciate the positive feedback.

Don’t believe us? Then you probably haven’t tried these fun new ideas.

  1. Replay your best memories together.

If you want to get some of the passion you had early in your relationship back, one thing you can do is recreate your past, says sexologist Barbara Winter, Ph.D.

This can start before sex—for example, going to one of your old date-night spots or wearing the same clothes you wore during a hot moment at the beginning of your relationship. Then, later in the night, break out a move you used to do in bed that really turned you both on.

  1. Start off outside the bedroom.

If you want to make things more spontaneous, try initiating foreplay in the kitchen, office, garage, or anywhere else where you don’t typically do it, says sex and relationship coach Claudia Six, Ph.D.

You can either lead your partner to the bedroom afterward or just have sex right then and there. “It’s the unexpected that keeps things interesting,” she says.

  1. Watch porn together.

If you and your partner are both into porn or are at least intrigued by it, try checking it out together. Afterward, Winter recommends talking about what you each like and dislike and what you might want to try (or not). Sometimes, it opens you up to ideas you might not have thought of before, says Winter.

  1. Experiment with temperature.

Heat and cold can both add a lot to the sensations you’re already feeling. One way to play with temperature is to suck on ice cubes and lick each other’s erogenous zones. Or you can try dripping warm wax on each other’s bodies or using warming lube. Either tactic—or the two combined—should create “a delicious shiver,” says Six.

 

4 Foreplay Tricks You Probably Haven’t Tried by Suzannah Weiss was originally published on Glamour


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How Sex Toys Can Help You Play Nice With a Partner

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Picture it: You’re with a partner, it’s late at night and things are getting pretty hot. You’re kissing, you’re touching, you’re sizing each other up for the next move. So you decide to make one: You reach under the bed and pull out … your favorite sex toy.

Now here’s where things get interesting. Because while some people (both men and women) will jump at the chance to play with something new, others will, well, freak right out.

Men often worry that that big ‘ol purple dildo has appeared to replace them; women may feel embarrassed by those anal beads, or maybe just plain worried about where they’re gonna go (and how that’s going to feel).

Those feelings are common – and worth exploring – but they miss the point. Sex toys aren’t about replacing a partner or making them uncomfortable. They’re about fun! And they can be a lot of fun. The key is to apply the very same rules you’d apply to any other sex play. And by that we mean communication, consent and care.

Want to bring a little adventure into the bedroom? We talked to Charlie Glickman, a sexuality educator who’s teamed up with Violet Blue to present a new edition of her new book, “The Adventurous Couple’s Guide to Sex Toys.” Here are five things to know about playing nice – with toys!

They Aren’t a Substitute

You might use sex toys more often when you’re lonely or single, but even when you’re in a super-hot relationship, a little toy action on the side can be a beautiful thing. It’s a way to de-stress. It’s a way to learn. Heck, it’s a way to pass an otherwise uneventfull Saturday afternoon. What it isn’t is a replacement for a sexual relationship.

“One of the great things about sex toys is that they give you ways to create sensations that human bodies just don’t do. They’re not a substitute, just an add-on. Sex without a toy is fun and I’m not knocking it, but you can do things with a vibrator or dildo that human bodies don’t do. Toys just give you more possibilities,” Glickman said.

So rather than thinking of that vibrating dildo as your partner’s silicone stand-in, think of it as you would a blender: It can help make a great dish, but it doesn’t replace the cook!

They’re Nothing Special … but What You Do With Them Might Be

With the exception of a few toys designed specifically for couples, such as the We-Vibe, vibrating cock rings or a strap-on, many “couples'” toys are really just the same old sex toys you might use solo. What’s special about bringing a partner in on the action is that it might enable you to use the toy in new and different ways (we only have two hands of our own after all!).

You Have to Tread Lightly

If you want to use a toy with a partner but have never brought it up before, the time to do it is not in the heat of the moment. Seriously. While some people will see that introduction as super-sexy, it’ll make many other people cringe. Plus, it’s a bit of an ambush. Sex makes us vulnerable. Ambushing someone in a vulnerable position is, well, not very nice.

“I think you’re better off introducing the topic before you take your clothes off,” Glickman said. “That way if your partner says ‘tell me more,’ if they have question or feelings, you haven’t just dumped a cold pitcher of ice water on your sexy Saturday night. It’s better to introduce it rather than pull your vibrator out from under the bed. Because you might be surprised how someone reacts to that.”

If you want to play with toys, test the waters with your partner first – by talking it over.

You Have to Experiment

Sex toy retailers tend to bombard people with sensory adjectives. It’s called marketing, and while Glickman says it generally isn’t inaccurate, it tends to lead to one very inaccurate assumption: That all those words will describe your experience with a toy. You know what they say: One person’s leg-shaking orgasm might be another person’s onerous and unsuccessful attempt at sexual stimuation. That’s just the way it is with sex toys because our bodies are so different.

“Nothing works the same for everybody,” Glickman said. “If a toy really isn’t any good, they’ll stop manufacturing it very quickly. So, if you’ve seen a toy around for a while, chances are it works for a lot of people.”

Of course that still doesn’t mean it’ll work for you. In order to find that out, you’ll have to try it … and possibly practice a little at using it.

“Sometimes a toy works and sometimes it doesn’t, but try it again another day,” Glickman said. “You might need to try something a couple of times to figure out how to make it work for you.”

And don’t assume that bigger or harder or stronger is better. What’s better is what feels best to you. Find out what that is, and branch out from there.

Toys Widen Your Sexual Repertoire

“Sex is a lot like food,” Glickman says. “You never know what you’re going to like until you try it. So sometimes it pays to be a little adventurous.”

Sex toys are a great way to bring a little adventure into the bedroom, to experiment with new experiences and to share them with your partner. Plus, having a few around can really expand what’s on the menu – and that means you and your partner are more likely to leave the table feeling satisfied.

How Sex Toys Can Help You Play Nice With a Partner was originally published on Kinkly.


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A Few Tips for Great Morning Sex

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Sex is one of the greatest things in existence. So it makes sense that one of the best ways to start off a day is with, well, sex.

Morning sex can help set a very positive tone for the rest of your day, and it’ll have you thinking about your partner throughout—so by the time you’re both home for the night, it’s likely you’ll be ready to jump each other again.

Here are a few suggestions to make the most out of your next morning sex session.

Take your time

Morning sex can be rushed. You’re not likely building it into your schedule, which means when the alarm goes off, you have a very limited amount of time to get things done before you rush out your door. A quickie is great, but even a quickie can be done without rushing. Make sure that when you have sex, you’re in the moment and it’s the only thing you’re paying attention to or thinking about.

Don’t let your breath deter you

People tend to worry about their morning breath when it comes to morning sex, but it’s an overstated worry. You know what’s worse than having sex with someone who has morning breath? Not having sex.

And morning sex doesn’t have to occur immediately upon waking. If you want to get a little bit into it and then go brush your teeth, go for it and get back after it.

You can also always keep some breath mints on your nightstand. For efficiency.

Get things going with a Z-Job

Surprise morning sex is amazing. If you wake up in the mood, one excellent way to surprise your partner is by going down on them while they’re still asleep. Can you imagine a better way to wake up in the morning? It beats the annoying, awful sound of an alarm clock, that’s for sure.

Shower together

If you finish in the bedroom, a morning shower together is an excellent way to literally bathe in the afterglow of the sex you’ve just had. And if you’re especially short on time, you can always complete the act in the shower before you soap each other off in lieu of a post-morning-sex cuddling session.

A Few Tips for Great Morning Sex was originally posted on The Nightstand.


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How To Make Lube Application Feel Sexy Instead Of Awkward

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We’re always hearing that we could be having better sex, a better orgasm, or a better relationship. But how often do we hear the nitty-gritty of how we can actually better understand our deepest desires and most embarrassing questions?

Bustle has enlisted Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist, to help us out with the details. No gender, sexual orientation, or question is off limits, and all questions will remain anonymous. Please send your sex and relationship inquiries to tips@bustle.com. Now on to this week’s question: how to make using lube feel sexy.

Q: “I’ve read about the benefits of using lube during sex. I am definitely on the drier side, so I know I should give it a shot. I bought some, but in the moment, I just can’t bring myself to actually use it during sex. I feel awkward interrupting the moment to pull out the bottle. I feel weird and on display slathering it on myself. Is there a way to put on lube that’s sexy and doesn’t pause everything?”

A: Thanks for the question! I think lube is one of the simplest, yet most effective, tools for improving your sex life. It decreases pain and discomfort, makes sex feel better, and can be an awful lot of fun to play around with. That being said, I know a lot of people still feel uncomfortable using lube, for some of the exact reasons you described. But we shouldn’t let goopy bottles or a fear of busting it out ruin the entire experience! Here are eight ways to make lube feel sexier.

 

  1. Treat Yourself

Most people buy their lube at the drugstore, but it’s hard to get very excited by an ugly bottle that cost you three bucks. If you can afford it, I highly recommend splurging on a high-quality bottle of lube like Pjur or Wicked. It will feel more luxurious and special, which will help you feel less embarrassed whipping it out. If you’re in a relationship, you can even research your purchase together so it feels like a treat for both of you.

  1. Put It In A Cute Lotion Dispenser

Even the best lube manufacturers have yet to address what I think is the most frustrating aspect of using lube: dealing with the bottle in the moment! Pjur brand is my holy grail of lubes, but I hate the screw-top design. The cap inevitably slides out of your hands, it’s difficult to figure out exactly how much you’re dispensing, and it’s tricky not to get lube all over the bottle.

But here’s a simple solution — transfer your lube into a pretty pump dispenser! The pump makes it easy to get lube quickly and discretely. It ensures that at least one hand stays lube-free, so you won’t have to worry about trying to put a cap back on while your fingers are slippery. You can find a beautiful bottle that suits your tastes and won’t look out of place on your bedside table, meaning it will always be within reach instead of buried at the bottom of your drawer.

  1. Experiment With It On Your Own

If you’re brand-new to using lube, it may take a bit of time to get comfortable using it. Let me be clear — there’s absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about when it comes to using lube. But if you’re feeling awkward about using it, the best way to get more comfortable is to use it on your own first. Try masturbating with lube. Play with it with your fingers. Notice the way it changes the sensation of your own touch. See if you can make masturbation more of a sensual, seductive experience.

  1. Use It During A Massage

Similarly, it may take some time to get used to using lube with a partner. One really easy way to introduce lube to your relationship is to use it during a massage. A lot of people don’t know that lube can work well as a regular massage oil. Tell your partner that you have a surprise for them, then get a little bit of lube in your hands and rub their shoulders. As you both get turned on, you can say something like, “we can play with this in other areas too.”

  1. Put It On Privately

If you’re feeling shy about using lube with your partner, you can always keep a bottle in your bathroom and put it on privately. Or keep a few single-use packets in your purse if you’re going to a partner’s house. Again, there’s nothing to be embarrassed about, but it’s fine to give yourself some time to build up your courage. (Keep in mind that you don’t want to let your partner perform oral sex if you’re using a lube that’s not specifically designed to be tasted, but this trick should work just fine before manual stimulation or penetration.)

  1. Ask Your Partner To Put It On You

Once you’re feeling more comfortable with the lube, hand your bottle to your partner and tell them, “I want you to put some of this on me.” Have them spend some time rubbing and massaging your thighs, labia, and clitoris. This way, lube becomes a part of the action instead of just some weird step you do before you’re ready to go.

  1. Put It On Your Partner

If you usually engage in penetrative sex, you can try applying the lube to your partner’s dildo or penis. Apply a generous amount, since you want the lube to transfer to your vaginal canal during penetration. Play with your partner’s equipment for a while. If you want to up the sensation play factor, blindfold your partner or ask them to close their eyes, then surprise them with an extra-slippery hand job. This is another way to make lube a part of the fun!

  1. Put On A Show

Once you’re feeling more bold, one of the best ways to make lube sexy in the moment is to put on a show for your partner. Grab some lube, spread your legs, and let your partner watch you rub it all over yourself. If you’re feeling really seductive, say something like, “do you like watching that?” I guarantee you that this move will make you and your partner practically explode with desire!

Vanessa Marin’s article was originally posted on Bustle


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I’ll Go Anywhere With You

TB Wira DyatmikaI close my eyes and I imagine the places we will wander—the sand we will let run through our fingertips, the cracked earth we will walk tenderly across, the rough bark of trees underneath our palms, the cool water that we will slip into slowly, soothing our tired legs. I want to travel…

via I’ll Go Anywhere With You — Thought Catalog

A Guide to Shower Sex

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I found this gem on the System JO blog, and thought it had some great tips and ideas. Plus, they go along well with our Sex In The Shower items, don’t you think?

The guided tour of shower sex is necessary in life because we all know how quickly something crazy hot can become tricky and even possibly awkward.

Wet surfaces do not provide traction and small space constraints lead to limited movement opportunities. The argument in favor of shower sex stands on slippery ground, with the many pitfalls ranging from falling sprays of water (in your eyes, up your nose) to actually falling on the floor. The key to sexy time is avoiding a situation requiring medical attention.

Steamy shower sex does sound extremely fun and spontaneous, evoking romantic images of erotic stroking and satisfying each other amidst the warm mist. You just jump on into the tub. No, okay, climb in carefully, but, ya know, sexy carefully. Now pull the shower curtain into place (remembering it is NOT a solid surface to be used as a gripping tool later) and adjust the showerhead so that it doesn’t hit either of you directly in the face. Whew, initial bullets dodged.

You start touching the other person’s soapy, wet, naked body…and…hmmm, now what? Turn around? Flatten your body against cold tiles? Hold on to what exactly for leverage…each other? Ow! An elbow in the face! (The Locking Suction Handle can help out with this!) Ugh! Where does my foot go?  (This is where the Foot Rest comes in handy!) The reality is that sex in the shower is often a complicated balancing act between partners who are willing to work for great, wet sex.

One of you is in the direct line of warm water, while the other is left out in the cold. Or maybe you are those lucky people who have a dual showerhead, waterfall rain showers everywhere. If not, remember to rotate! Trading places allows for a reduction in the amount of shivering skin time.

Also, this is not the moment for an epic display. Limit the minutes allotted for shower sex – wrinkled fingertips feel like being petted with dried fruit, a sure sign that you have stayed at too long at the party.

Logistical issues aside, sex in the shower breeds intimacy and orgasms, so it’s obviously a worthwhile effort. Just don’t forget that stability is what you want most in the chosen position! Feet planted firmly on the ground for both participants, doggy style gets our safest of the shower sex positions rating. You can use the high ground, palms placed flat against the wall, or face downwards and use hands to hold on to the edges of the tub. If you don’t have an old school tub-style shower, hold on to the hips in front of you for better support.

Facing each other is nice too, so try holding on to one knee with either your hand, or just balance in the crook of your elbow. You can also wrap one leg around the waist, and if superhero strength is at play, wrap both those legs around and prepare for some serious splashing. Do not use the edge of the tub for leverage! It will be slick and unreliable. Do not lean against a glass shower door! It can easily give way with applied human pressure. Lastly, do not feel confident that the ceramic soap dish jutting out of the wall can handle any weight beyond that of soap.

A final note is that water washes away both natural and certain synthetic lubrication, so you may want to switch over to silicone as opposed to water-based formulas. Condoms do not work so well in the water either, they tend to slip and slide…so prep in advance for contraception needs.


 

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Here’s How Long Sex Lasts Around the World

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Some fun, international facts, as shared by Glamour Smitten

Have you ever wondered whether the amount of time you spend having sex is normal? It might seem impossible to know how long exactly other people are spending on sex, since it’s not like couples take stopwatches into the bedroom. But, for one study, couples did just that.

According to an article in The Conversation by Brendan Zietsch, Ph.D., a research fellow at the University of Queensland, the best study we have to date of the time it takes to have sex involved 500 couples in five different countries timing themselves with stopwatches.

It turns out the average time it takes to have sex—not including foreplay, but just measuring the time from insertion to ejaculation—is 5.4 minutes on average in the Netherlands, United Kingdom, Spain, Turkey, and the United States. The Turkish had less endurance than the rest of the world, with a 3.7-minute average, while the rest were in the six to seven-minute range. Younger men lasted longer, with an average of 6.5 minutes for 18-to-30-year-olds (men 51 and older lasted 4.3 minutes).

Contrary to what some may say about the desensitizing effects of condoms, they didn’t have an impact on how long sex lasted. Circumcision didn’t have an influence either, with a pretty non-significant difference of six minutes for uncircumcised men and 6.7 for circumcised ones.

Of course these are averages—plenty of people around the world are having longer and shorter bedroom romps. But, if you’ve been wondering if your six-minute sack sessions are the norm, know this: They totally are.