How A Sex Menu Could Help In The Bedroom

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The simple trick that could help you have amazing sex.

All you need is a pen and paper!

Writhing about naked, covered in sweat: sex is one of the most uninhibited things you can do with another person. So it’s sort of odd that a lot of us are so terrible at talking about it.

And whether a relationship is in those heady stages when you fumble around trying to work out what marks “ooh that’s nice” from “er, please don’t do that”, or together for so long that you think you know their body better than Google Maps knows our planet, it can be tough to express exactly what you want.

Enter the sex menu.

This is list of what a person loves, hates, and would be up for trying during foreplay and sex. The depth that this goes in to depends on the person. Yes, this sounds cringe-worthy, but so is sex and that is why we are in this mess in the first place. And judging by a recent study by relationship charity Relate – which found that less than half of people are satisfied with their sex life, and 51 per cent had not had sex in the last month – a lot of us could do with some help in the bedroom.

Sex expert Dr Stephen de Wit suggests taking twenty minutes to be completely open with yourself, and run down his detailed list of turn-ons and positions, from holding hands to bondage, cross-dressing and caning, and marking ‘yes’ or ‘no’. To refine the list further, the answers can be ranked from one to five for willingness, with a section for notes explaining any concerns, fears or specific requests.

This simple exercise enables a person to build awareness about their body, and to take the time to consider what they enjoy, and how best to share this information with future partners.

“Do not judge others” he adds on his website. “There will be things on the list that turn you on tremendously and some that you’ll say ‘Oh Hells No’ or think something is gross. That is perfectly ok that you are not comfortable with it at this time of your life and it may be something that turns someone else on.”

Sex menus also avoid goal-oriented sex, where orgasms rather than pleasure, experimentation and exploration are the focus.

Peter Saddington, a sex therapist in the Midlands who works for the relationships charity Relate and is a chair of the College of Sexual Relation and Therapy, told The Independent that sex menus can certainly be a useful tool.

“Consistently people assume when they get together and they are sexual they develop a way to work and stick with it and don’t experiment. Sex is still a strange subject. There is pressure to think that people are having lots of great sex and that you need to do the same, but that is not the case for lots of couples”

Saddington goes on to argue that a lack of understanding when it comes to sex starts from a young age. “Sex isn’t talked about successfully by parents talking to kids or in schools. There is a general lack of knowledge and understanding about it as a subject.” As such, people can feel embarrassed and pressured into having sex they don’t fully enjoy.

An alternative to a sex menu is a three circle exercise, adds Saddington, where a person lays out what they are OK with, what they are no OK with, but also what they are happy have to give but not receive and visa versa.

But he stresses that while a sex menu is a good guide, it should still be perceived as flexible.

“How and whether you want to have sex is affected by that day and the relationship. There are questions you need to consider each time you are being sexual. Just because something worked last time, it doesn’t mean a person wants it a second time.”

For couples with clashing lists, Saddington suggests discussing the actions. “This can help ensure you are talking about the same thing, and see if the partner is willing to explore or meet half way.”

From there, try exploring verbally and physically but be sure to stop if something is uncomfortable.

How A Sex Menu Could Help In The Bedroom by Kashmira Gander was originally published on The Independent


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11 Ways for Your Partner (and You) to Get Really, Really Good at Sex

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Hopefully you come away satisfied pretty much every time you have sex. But that doesn’t mean there isn’t room for improvement—for you and your partner.

“It’s always possible to get better at sex,” says New York City sex therapist Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of She Comes First. “You can always get more in tune with your own process of sexual arousal, as well as your partner’s, and always fine-tune/enhance the stimulation and orgasm, much of which comes through knowing yourself and knowing each other.”

Jessica O’Reilly, Astroglide’s resident sex and relationship expert, agrees: “I’m a sexologist, and I know I could be much better in bed.”

Here are a few ways to take your sex up a notch:


FOR YOUR PARTNER

  1. Work the spare parts:

“Don’t forget the perineum, testicles, and mons pubis (that padded area right above the genitals),” says licensed marriage and sex therapist Kat Van Kirk, Ph.D. She recommends tickling, fondling, and sucking the areas, both during foreplay and sex, to show how creative you are.

  1. Bust out a sex toy:

Sometimes we all need an extra hand to ramp things up, which is why Van Kirk recommends keeping a favorite sex toy handy. “Using a good sex toy, you can keep things spontaneous, avoid hand/wrist fatigue, and ensure that everyone ‘gets there,’” she says.

  1. Lube, lube, lube:

“The things you can do with lube will change your life,” says O’Reilly. Her best lube move: Use two hands (fingers interlaced) and a generous serving of lube to create a tight, wet grip for an epic hand job. “The couples I work with say this simple hand job technique is so good, it could put an end to blow jobs,” she says.

  1. Tease the anal area:

There’s a big difference between anal sex (which isn’t for everyone) and anal play (which can feel risqué but still within many people’s comfort zones). Kerner recommends grazing your partner’s anal area with your fingers or lips, especially during oral. “There are lots of nerve endings, and it’s also a taboo area for many guys,” he says. Van Kirk agrees: “Many men and women enjoy a little finger play during sex. It ups the ante.” Make sure to always add a little lubricant when exploring this area, as the anal area does not self lubricate.

  1. Double up on sensations:

Try stimulating two areas at once. For example, Kerner says you can squeeze your partner’s nipple while giving manual or oral stimulation to hit several erogenous zones at once.

FOR YOU

  1. Don’t be afraid to fantasize:

Kerner points out that there’s nothing wrong with fantasizing while you’re having sex—and it can really blow your mind. Plus, “it helps stress centers deactivate, which is important for arousal process,” he says.

  1. Take things into your own hands:

The clitoris is the gateway to orgasm for most women, so Kerner recommends either guiding your partner to yours or stimulating it yourself if you’re not getting what you need.

  1. Get noisy:

Not only is noisy sex hot, there’s a biological aspect of it that makes sex even better, O’Reilly says. “Holding back/muffling your sounds impedes natural breathing patterns, which can hinder orgasmic response,” she says. Moaning, groaning, and breathing heavily, on the other hand, helps move things along.

  1. Clear your head:

It sounds obvious that you should be in the moment when you’re having sex, but Van Kirk notes that it’s an issue for a lot of women. “Being stuck in your head, worried about how you look during sex or what you need to do when you’re done, never improves sex,” she points out. Instead, zero in on the sensations you’re feeling and ride them out.

  1. Masturbate more:

“Most women don’t self stimulate enough,” says Van Kirk. “This can result in orgasm issues related to a lack of self awareness about what stimulation works best for them.” Plus, she points out, women who masturbate more tend to have higher self esteems and more confidence in the bedroom. And, of course, when you know what works for you during a solo session, it’s more easy to get what you need with partner sex.

  1. Talk it out:

While there are a lot of moves you can try, Kerner says talking about sex, communicating during sex, and sharing fantasies really is the best way to have next-level sex. “When people think back on the best sex they ever had, there’s often an aspect of novelty or psychological stimulation,” he says.

 

11 Ways for Your Partner (and You) to Get Really, Really Good at Sex By Korin Miller was originally published on Glamour


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4 Foreplay Tricks You Probably Haven’t Tried

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Foreplay doesn’t just help get you in the mood—it can also feel as good as or sometimes even better than sex.

Since everyone has different turn-ons, the best thing you can do is pay attention to what works for you and then try to recreate it, says Winter. Don’t be afraid to let your partner know when they do something that you like, either. They’ll probably be happy to keep doing whatever gets you going in the future…and they’ll definitely appreciate the positive feedback.

Don’t believe us? Then you probably haven’t tried these fun new ideas.

  1. Replay your best memories together.

If you want to get some of the passion you had early in your relationship back, one thing you can do is recreate your past, says sexologist Barbara Winter, Ph.D.

This can start before sex—for example, going to one of your old date-night spots or wearing the same clothes you wore during a hot moment at the beginning of your relationship. Then, later in the night, break out a move you used to do in bed that really turned you both on.

  1. Start off outside the bedroom.

If you want to make things more spontaneous, try initiating foreplay in the kitchen, office, garage, or anywhere else where you don’t typically do it, says sex and relationship coach Claudia Six, Ph.D.

You can either lead your partner to the bedroom afterward or just have sex right then and there. “It’s the unexpected that keeps things interesting,” she says.

  1. Watch porn together.

If you and your partner are both into porn or are at least intrigued by it, try checking it out together. Afterward, Winter recommends talking about what you each like and dislike and what you might want to try (or not). Sometimes, it opens you up to ideas you might not have thought of before, says Winter.

  1. Experiment with temperature.

Heat and cold can both add a lot to the sensations you’re already feeling. One way to play with temperature is to suck on ice cubes and lick each other’s erogenous zones. Or you can try dripping warm wax on each other’s bodies or using warming lube. Either tactic—or the two combined—should create “a delicious shiver,” says Six.

 

4 Foreplay Tricks You Probably Haven’t Tried by Suzannah Weiss was originally published on Glamour


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Our Top 10 Toys For Couples for 2016!

We’re talking about the best of the best for 2016, as selected by YOU based on sales & searches.

Next week is our Top Ten Overall list, so be sure to tune in at this same time to see if your favorites made the list!

If you want to learn more about any of our Tops, click on any image to see it on bodycandyromantictreats.com

This week – Your Top Ten Toys for Couples!


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Here are your favorite Toys for Couples, starting with number 10 and working our way to number one.

10 – Door Jam Sex Sling

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9 – All Star Enhancer

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8 – The Screaming O Vibrating Ring

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7 – RingO 3-Pack

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6 – Ultimate Cage

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5 – DoubleO 6

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4 – Remote Control Vibrating Panty

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3 – Tongue Vibe

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2 – Ofinity Plus

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And your very favorite, number one Toy for Couples is…..

1 – We-Vibe 4 Plus!

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Stay tuned next week for our final Tops, the Overall Top 10 list for 2016!


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Our Top 10 Sex Enhancers for 2016!

From now through the end of the year, we’re talking about the best of the best for 2016. Everything has been been selected by YOU based on sales & searches, and come from your favorite categories.

I’ll do a Top Ten Overall list the last Sunday of the year, so you can see where your favorites land.

If you want to learn more about any of our Tops, click on any image to see it on bodycandyromantictreats.com

This week – Your Top Ten Enhancers!


enhancers

Sex Enhancers are exactly as they sound – Lotions & Potions designed to make sex BETTER.

Here are your favorite Enhancers for Him, Her, and Oral Sex, starting with number 10 and working our way to number one.

10 – JO Oral Delight

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9 – DynamO Delay

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8 – Comfortably Numb Oral Sex Mints

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7 – Plump Enhancing Cream for Men

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6 – JO Warm & Buzzy Clitoral Stimulant

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5 – Nipple Nibblers

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4 – JO Nipple Titillator

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3 – GoodHead Gel

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2 – JO Arctic Clitoral and G-Spot Stimulant

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And your very favorite, number one Sex Enhancer is…..

 

1 – JO For Her Spicy Clitoral Stimulant Gel

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Stay tuned next week for more of YOUR favorites!


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A Guide to Shower Sex

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I found this gem on the System JO blog, and thought it had some great tips and ideas. Plus, they go along well with our Sex In The Shower items, don’t you think?

The guided tour of shower sex is necessary in life because we all know how quickly something crazy hot can become tricky and even possibly awkward.

Wet surfaces do not provide traction and small space constraints lead to limited movement opportunities. The argument in favor of shower sex stands on slippery ground, with the many pitfalls ranging from falling sprays of water (in your eyes, up your nose) to actually falling on the floor. The key to sexy time is avoiding a situation requiring medical attention.

Steamy shower sex does sound extremely fun and spontaneous, evoking romantic images of erotic stroking and satisfying each other amidst the warm mist. You just jump on into the tub. No, okay, climb in carefully, but, ya know, sexy carefully. Now pull the shower curtain into place (remembering it is NOT a solid surface to be used as a gripping tool later) and adjust the showerhead so that it doesn’t hit either of you directly in the face. Whew, initial bullets dodged.

You start touching the other person’s soapy, wet, naked body…and…hmmm, now what? Turn around? Flatten your body against cold tiles? Hold on to what exactly for leverage…each other? Ow! An elbow in the face! (The Locking Suction Handle can help out with this!) Ugh! Where does my foot go?  (This is where the Foot Rest comes in handy!) The reality is that sex in the shower is often a complicated balancing act between partners who are willing to work for great, wet sex.

One of you is in the direct line of warm water, while the other is left out in the cold. Or maybe you are those lucky people who have a dual showerhead, waterfall rain showers everywhere. If not, remember to rotate! Trading places allows for a reduction in the amount of shivering skin time.

Also, this is not the moment for an epic display. Limit the minutes allotted for shower sex – wrinkled fingertips feel like being petted with dried fruit, a sure sign that you have stayed at too long at the party.

Logistical issues aside, sex in the shower breeds intimacy and orgasms, so it’s obviously a worthwhile effort. Just don’t forget that stability is what you want most in the chosen position! Feet planted firmly on the ground for both participants, doggy style gets our safest of the shower sex positions rating. You can use the high ground, palms placed flat against the wall, or face downwards and use hands to hold on to the edges of the tub. If you don’t have an old school tub-style shower, hold on to the hips in front of you for better support.

Facing each other is nice too, so try holding on to one knee with either your hand, or just balance in the crook of your elbow. You can also wrap one leg around the waist, and if superhero strength is at play, wrap both those legs around and prepare for some serious splashing. Do not use the edge of the tub for leverage! It will be slick and unreliable. Do not lean against a glass shower door! It can easily give way with applied human pressure. Lastly, do not feel confident that the ceramic soap dish jutting out of the wall can handle any weight beyond that of soap.

A final note is that water washes away both natural and certain synthetic lubrication, so you may want to switch over to silicone as opposed to water-based formulas. Condoms do not work so well in the water either, they tend to slip and slide…so prep in advance for contraception needs.


 

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Here’s How Long Sex Lasts Around the World

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Some fun, international facts, as shared by Glamour Smitten

Have you ever wondered whether the amount of time you spend having sex is normal? It might seem impossible to know how long exactly other people are spending on sex, since it’s not like couples take stopwatches into the bedroom. But, for one study, couples did just that.

According to an article in The Conversation by Brendan Zietsch, Ph.D., a research fellow at the University of Queensland, the best study we have to date of the time it takes to have sex involved 500 couples in five different countries timing themselves with stopwatches.

It turns out the average time it takes to have sex—not including foreplay, but just measuring the time from insertion to ejaculation—is 5.4 minutes on average in the Netherlands, United Kingdom, Spain, Turkey, and the United States. The Turkish had less endurance than the rest of the world, with a 3.7-minute average, while the rest were in the six to seven-minute range. Younger men lasted longer, with an average of 6.5 minutes for 18-to-30-year-olds (men 51 and older lasted 4.3 minutes).

Contrary to what some may say about the desensitizing effects of condoms, they didn’t have an impact on how long sex lasted. Circumcision didn’t have an influence either, with a pretty non-significant difference of six minutes for uncircumcised men and 6.7 for circumcised ones.

Of course these are averages—plenty of people around the world are having longer and shorter bedroom romps. But, if you’ve been wondering if your six-minute sack sessions are the norm, know this: They totally are.