We’re always hearing that we could be having better sex, a better orgasm, or a better relationship. But how often do we hear the nitty-gritty of how we can actually better understand our deepest desires and most embarrassing questions?
Bustle has enlisted Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist, to help us out with the details. No gender, sexual orientation, or question is off limits, and all questions will remain anonymous. Please send your sex and relationship inquiries to firstname.lastname@example.org. Now on to this week’s question: how to make using lube feel sexy.
Q: “I’ve read about the benefits of using lube during sex. I am definitely on the drier side, so I know I should give it a shot. I bought some, but in the moment, I just can’t bring myself to actually use it during sex. I feel awkward interrupting the moment to pull out the bottle. I feel weird and on display slathering it on myself. Is there a way to put on lube that’s sexy and doesn’t pause everything?”
A: Thanks for the question! I think lube is one of the simplest, yet most effective, tools for improving your sex life. It decreases pain and discomfort, makes sex feel better, and can be an awful lot of fun to play around with. That being said, I know a lot of people still feel uncomfortable using lube, for some of the exact reasons you described. But we shouldn’t let goopy bottles or a fear of busting it out ruin the entire experience! Here are eight ways to make lube feel sexier.
Most people buy their lube at the drugstore, but it’s hard to get very excited by an ugly bottle that cost you three bucks. If you can afford it, I highly recommend splurging on a high-quality bottle of lube like Pjur or Wicked. It will feel more luxurious and special, which will help you feel less embarrassed whipping it out. If you’re in a relationship, you can even research your purchase together so it feels like a treat for both of you.
Put It In A Cute Lotion Dispenser
Even the best lube manufacturers have yet to address what I think is the most frustrating aspect of using lube: dealing with the bottle in the moment! Pjur brand is my holy grail of lubes, but I hate the screw-top design. The cap inevitably slides out of your hands, it’s difficult to figure out exactly how much you’re dispensing, and it’s tricky not to get lube all over the bottle.
But here’s a simple solution — transfer your lube into a pretty pump dispenser! The pump makes it easy to get lube quickly and discretely. It ensures that at least one hand stays lube-free, so you won’t have to worry about trying to put a cap back on while your fingers are slippery. You can find a beautiful bottle that suits your tastes and won’t look out of place on your bedside table, meaning it will always be within reach instead of buried at the bottom of your drawer.
Experiment With It On Your Own
If you’re brand-new to using lube, it may take a bit of time to get comfortable using it. Let me be clear — there’s absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about when it comes to using lube. But if you’re feeling awkward about using it, the best way to get more comfortable is to use it on your own first. Try masturbating with lube. Play with it with your fingers. Notice the way it changes the sensation of your own touch. See if you can make masturbation more of a sensual, seductive experience.
Use It During A Massage
Similarly, it may take some time to get used to using lube with a partner. One really easy way to introduce lube to your relationship is to use it during a massage. A lot of people don’t know that lube can work well as a regular massage oil. Tell your partner that you have a surprise for them, then get a little bit of lube in your hands and rub their shoulders. As you both get turned on, you can say something like, “we can play with this in other areas too.”
Put It On Privately
If you’re feeling shy about using lube with your partner, you can always keep a bottle in your bathroom and put it on privately. Or keep a few single-use packets in your purse if you’re going to a partner’s house. Again, there’s nothing to be embarrassed about, but it’s fine to give yourself some time to build up your courage. (Keep in mind that you don’t want to let your partner perform oral sex if you’re using a lube that’s not specifically designed to be tasted, but this trick should work just fine before manual stimulation or penetration.)
Ask Your Partner To Put It On You
Once you’re feeling more comfortable with the lube, hand your bottle to your partner and tell them, “I want you to put some of this on me.” Have them spend some time rubbing and massaging your thighs, labia, and clitoris. This way, lube becomes a part of the action instead of just some weird step you do before you’re ready to go.
Put It On Your Partner
If you usually engage in penetrative sex, you can try applying the lube to your partner’s dildo or penis. Apply a generous amount, since you want the lube to transfer to your vaginal canal during penetration. Play with your partner’s equipment for a while. If you want to up the sensation play factor, blindfold your partner or ask them to close their eyes, then surprise them with an extra-slippery hand job. This is another way to make lube a part of the fun!
Put On A Show
Once you’re feeling more bold, one of the best ways to make lube sexy in the moment is to put on a show for your partner. Grab some lube, spread your legs, and let your partner watch you rub it all over yourself. If you’re feeling really seductive, say something like, “do you like watching that?” I guarantee you that this move will make you and your partner practically explode with desire!
Vanessa Marin’s article was originally posted on Bustle
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