How A Sex Menu Could Help In The Bedroom

bedroom

The simple trick that could help you have amazing sex.

All you need is a pen and paper!

Writhing about naked, covered in sweat: sex is one of the most uninhibited things you can do with another person. So it’s sort of odd that a lot of us are so terrible at talking about it.

And whether a relationship is in those heady stages when you fumble around trying to work out what marks “ooh that’s nice” from “er, please don’t do that”, or together for so long that you think you know their body better than Google Maps knows our planet, it can be tough to express exactly what you want.

Enter the sex menu.

This is list of what a person loves, hates, and would be up for trying during foreplay and sex. The depth that this goes in to depends on the person. Yes, this sounds cringe-worthy, but so is sex and that is why we are in this mess in the first place. And judging by a recent study by relationship charity Relate – which found that less than half of people are satisfied with their sex life, and 51 per cent had not had sex in the last month – a lot of us could do with some help in the bedroom.

Sex expert Dr Stephen de Wit suggests taking twenty minutes to be completely open with yourself, and run down his detailed list of turn-ons and positions, from holding hands to bondage, cross-dressing and caning, and marking ‘yes’ or ‘no’. To refine the list further, the answers can be ranked from one to five for willingness, with a section for notes explaining any concerns, fears or specific requests.

This simple exercise enables a person to build awareness about their body, and to take the time to consider what they enjoy, and how best to share this information with future partners.

“Do not judge others” he adds on his website. “There will be things on the list that turn you on tremendously and some that you’ll say ‘Oh Hells No’ or think something is gross. That is perfectly ok that you are not comfortable with it at this time of your life and it may be something that turns someone else on.”

Sex menus also avoid goal-oriented sex, where orgasms rather than pleasure, experimentation and exploration are the focus.

Peter Saddington, a sex therapist in the Midlands who works for the relationships charity Relate and is a chair of the College of Sexual Relation and Therapy, told The Independent that sex menus can certainly be a useful tool.

“Consistently people assume when they get together and they are sexual they develop a way to work and stick with it and don’t experiment. Sex is still a strange subject. There is pressure to think that people are having lots of great sex and that you need to do the same, but that is not the case for lots of couples”

Saddington goes on to argue that a lack of understanding when it comes to sex starts from a young age. “Sex isn’t talked about successfully by parents talking to kids or in schools. There is a general lack of knowledge and understanding about it as a subject.” As such, people can feel embarrassed and pressured into having sex they don’t fully enjoy.

An alternative to a sex menu is a three circle exercise, adds Saddington, where a person lays out what they are OK with, what they are no OK with, but also what they are happy have to give but not receive and visa versa.

But he stresses that while a sex menu is a good guide, it should still be perceived as flexible.

“How and whether you want to have sex is affected by that day and the relationship. There are questions you need to consider each time you are being sexual. Just because something worked last time, it doesn’t mean a person wants it a second time.”

For couples with clashing lists, Saddington suggests discussing the actions. “This can help ensure you are talking about the same thing, and see if the partner is willing to explore or meet half way.”

From there, try exploring verbally and physically but be sure to stop if something is uncomfortable.

How A Sex Menu Could Help In The Bedroom by Kashmira Gander was originally published on The Independent


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Sex Toys That Every Couple Should Try

Toys to try

Sex toys have come a long way since the days of Dr. Joseph Mortimer Granville’s “electro-mechanical vibrator” hit the scene in 1883. You’ve got sleeves, dildos, props, plugs, things that go in places, things that go on places, and things that go just about anywhere. Just like sex, there are many types of toys and even more ways to enjoy them.

There are probably more sex toys out there than you could use in a lifetime, and each of them more versatile than you can imagine (but, go ahead and try). Some solo sex toys can even translate into a great shared experience for you and your partner, but some are made with both of you in mind.

After gathering data, we curated a list of accessories, tools, and toys, guaranteed to rock both your socks off. Here, you’ll find the best treats you can use with a partner (or even just to amp up your solo playtime).

Adults need toys too. Have a little grown-up fun.


Linea Versa

Linea

This vibrator is ideal for couples in which one partner has a penis and one has a vagina. Each end of the toy does something different: The penetrative end can be inserted for internal vaginal vibrations, and the circular end can be used as a masturbation sleeve for penises. Couples can use the Versa at the same time. Simply place the circle around the penis as the lengthy end slides inside the vagina.

 

The (Hitachi) Magic Wand

Magic Wand

The Hitachi Magic Wand is referred to as the “Cadillac of vibrators” for a reason. It’s big, it’s powerful, and it’s reliable. Originally created to relax muscles, the wand quickly gathered a cult following as a vibrator for its undeniable ability to relax people (especially those with clits) in other ways. While the sex toy works wonders for solo play, it’s fun to use in a relationship to help a partner with a vagina reach orgasm during penetrative sex. For those into BDSM, the magic wand is often used by the dominant on the submissive partner to bring the sub to orgasm while they’re bound or tied up.

 

Chain Nipple Clamps

Nipple Clamps

Anyone with nipples can enjoy nipple clamps. While the toy can be used solo, experimenting with a partner can be especially fun if you’re exploring BDSM. The dominant partner (the one exerting control over the sex scene) will usually place the clamps on the submissive’s nipples. This pair in classic S&M black and red is useful for beginners, since they are adjustable. Begin by placing the clamps on the nipples with light pressure, and adjust the little screw as wanted to tighten for more intense sensations.

 

Beginner’s Butt Plug

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Butt plugs are a must-have for any couple interested in anal play, and they don’t have to be used solo: They can be worn during vaginal intercourse for dual-penetration with a partner. It’s important to start small, so this little guy is a perfect plug for beginners. Just don’t forget to use lube when inserting anal toys into your butt.

 

Clone-A-Willy In-Home Penis Molding Kit 

Clone a

If your partner has a penis, this aptly-named “Clone-A-Willy” lets you create a silicone mold of it — one that vibrates. Ideal for couples in long-distance relationships, the toy comes in a variety of skin tones, so you can get as realistic as you’d like. (You also have the option to make it neon pink and glow-in-the-dark, which…yes.) If creating a penis clone sounds daunting, fear not: According to customer reviews, the Clone-A-Willy comes with detailed and easy to follow instructions

 

Ours Fetish Kit

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If you’re curious about adding BDSM to your relationship, but unsure of where to start, this starter kit is just what you need. It contains wrist and ankle cuffs, a ball gag, a blindfold, nipple suckers, and a tickler for teasing. Just be sure to learn about some BDSM best practices, and then get ready to dip your toes into the world of kink.

 

Big O Multi-Stage Vibrating Penis Ring

Big O

This vibrating penis ring promises to keep you both stimulated and satisfied.

 

OhMiBod LoveLife & Share Vibrating Ring

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This snug vibrating ring is one you and your partner can enjoy together. Don’t let its compact size fool you — with seven different vibration settings, the Love Life vibrator packs enough energy for the both of you.

 

Entice Kegel Balls

Entice

This kegel bead set is here to turn up the heat on your foreplay sessions.

Inspired by Ben Wa balls, the Entice Kegel Balls is a set of two beads connected with a retrieval wire that promises to deliver some seriously unique pleasure. The inner balls are meant to respond to movement with subtle vibrations, making them perfect to use with a partner.

 

Lelo SIRI 2

Siri 2

The only thing better than a vibrator with eight different settings is a vibrator that vibrates to eight different settings, according to your music.

Lelo’s SIRI 2 works as a regular vibrator sans-music as well, but should you wish, you can also get creative and sync your music library to let it pulse to the beat of your any song you choose. Bonus: it also boasts Lelo’s “strongest vibrations ever,” and is 100% waterproof. Sure, you can use it solo, but letting your partner take the reins is half the fun.

 

We-Vibe 4 Plus

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This is the perfect couples’ sex toy — it was designed specifically to be used during intercourse. The U-shaped toy has one curved arm to stimulate the clit and another to rest in the vagina during intercourse — and it provides enough vibration and simulation for both partners.

Added bonus: It can be controlled by an app on your phone. This makes it pretty ideal for long-distance relationships (talk about taking sexting to another level), but that doesn’t mean couples who get tons of face-to-face time can’t enjoy it, too. You and your partner can download the free We-Vibe 4+ app and connect your toy to it by inputting the serial number. You can then invite each other to “connect” on the app and sync up. We’ll let you take it from there.

 

Liberator Heart Wedge
Heart Wedge

Yes, fine, it looks like a physical-therapy aid. But, the Liberator is a cult classic for very good reason. It’s an extremely firm and durable cushion that makes so many sex acts more comfortable (and those hard-to-reach spots very, very reachable).

Use it under your pelvis during oral sex. Try using it for elbow support during…anything that requires elbow support. There’s really nothing else like it for new or tricky positions. Sometimes, all you need is a little boost.

 

Soy Massage Candle

Massage candle

Scented candles are always a gamble. Will it be too strong, too sweet, too “sensual?” This line really gets it right — fragrant, but not overpowering.

But, the coolest thing about massage candles is their double duty. The oil melts at a lower temperature than wax, so you can pour or brush the melted candle directly onto skin without burning anybody.

 

JO Premium Silicone Lube

JO premium.jpg

A lot of people get weird about lube, frantically insisting, “I don’t need it!” as if human worth were judged by the ability to self-lubricate. The truth is, even if you don’t “need” lube, per se, it can make so many things so much more fun (and comfortable).

JO Premium, as the name suggests, is the ultimate. It’s silicone, meaning it’s hypoallergenic and will not be absorbed into your skin.

 

Sex Toys That Every Couple Should Try by Kelsey Miller was originally published on Refinery29, and amended to include items we at Body Candy love.


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4 Foreplay Tricks You Probably Haven’t Tried

Couple 2

Foreplay doesn’t just help get you in the mood—it can also feel as good as or sometimes even better than sex.

Since everyone has different turn-ons, the best thing you can do is pay attention to what works for you and then try to recreate it, says Winter. Don’t be afraid to let your partner know when they do something that you like, either. They’ll probably be happy to keep doing whatever gets you going in the future…and they’ll definitely appreciate the positive feedback.

Don’t believe us? Then you probably haven’t tried these fun new ideas.

  1. Replay your best memories together.

If you want to get some of the passion you had early in your relationship back, one thing you can do is recreate your past, says sexologist Barbara Winter, Ph.D.

This can start before sex—for example, going to one of your old date-night spots or wearing the same clothes you wore during a hot moment at the beginning of your relationship. Then, later in the night, break out a move you used to do in bed that really turned you both on.

  1. Start off outside the bedroom.

If you want to make things more spontaneous, try initiating foreplay in the kitchen, office, garage, or anywhere else where you don’t typically do it, says sex and relationship coach Claudia Six, Ph.D.

You can either lead your partner to the bedroom afterward or just have sex right then and there. “It’s the unexpected that keeps things interesting,” she says.

  1. Watch porn together.

If you and your partner are both into porn or are at least intrigued by it, try checking it out together. Afterward, Winter recommends talking about what you each like and dislike and what you might want to try (or not). Sometimes, it opens you up to ideas you might not have thought of before, says Winter.

  1. Experiment with temperature.

Heat and cold can both add a lot to the sensations you’re already feeling. One way to play with temperature is to suck on ice cubes and lick each other’s erogenous zones. Or you can try dripping warm wax on each other’s bodies or using warming lube. Either tactic—or the two combined—should create “a delicious shiver,” says Six.

 

4 Foreplay Tricks You Probably Haven’t Tried by Suzannah Weiss was originally published on Glamour


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How Sex Toys Can Help You Play Nice With a Partner

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Picture it: You’re with a partner, it’s late at night and things are getting pretty hot. You’re kissing, you’re touching, you’re sizing each other up for the next move. So you decide to make one: You reach under the bed and pull out … your favorite sex toy.

Now here’s where things get interesting. Because while some people (both men and women) will jump at the chance to play with something new, others will, well, freak right out.

Men often worry that that big ‘ol purple dildo has appeared to replace them; women may feel embarrassed by those anal beads, or maybe just plain worried about where they’re gonna go (and how that’s going to feel).

Those feelings are common – and worth exploring – but they miss the point. Sex toys aren’t about replacing a partner or making them uncomfortable. They’re about fun! And they can be a lot of fun. The key is to apply the very same rules you’d apply to any other sex play. And by that we mean communication, consent and care.

Want to bring a little adventure into the bedroom? We talked to Charlie Glickman, a sexuality educator who’s teamed up with Violet Blue to present a new edition of her new book, “The Adventurous Couple’s Guide to Sex Toys.” Here are five things to know about playing nice – with toys!

They Aren’t a Substitute

You might use sex toys more often when you’re lonely or single, but even when you’re in a super-hot relationship, a little toy action on the side can be a beautiful thing. It’s a way to de-stress. It’s a way to learn. Heck, it’s a way to pass an otherwise uneventfull Saturday afternoon. What it isn’t is a replacement for a sexual relationship.

“One of the great things about sex toys is that they give you ways to create sensations that human bodies just don’t do. They’re not a substitute, just an add-on. Sex without a toy is fun and I’m not knocking it, but you can do things with a vibrator or dildo that human bodies don’t do. Toys just give you more possibilities,” Glickman said.

So rather than thinking of that vibrating dildo as your partner’s silicone stand-in, think of it as you would a blender: It can help make a great dish, but it doesn’t replace the cook!

They’re Nothing Special … but What You Do With Them Might Be

With the exception of a few toys designed specifically for couples, such as the We-Vibe, vibrating cock rings or a strap-on, many “couples'” toys are really just the same old sex toys you might use solo. What’s special about bringing a partner in on the action is that it might enable you to use the toy in new and different ways (we only have two hands of our own after all!).

You Have to Tread Lightly

If you want to use a toy with a partner but have never brought it up before, the time to do it is not in the heat of the moment. Seriously. While some people will see that introduction as super-sexy, it’ll make many other people cringe. Plus, it’s a bit of an ambush. Sex makes us vulnerable. Ambushing someone in a vulnerable position is, well, not very nice.

“I think you’re better off introducing the topic before you take your clothes off,” Glickman said. “That way if your partner says ‘tell me more,’ if they have question or feelings, you haven’t just dumped a cold pitcher of ice water on your sexy Saturday night. It’s better to introduce it rather than pull your vibrator out from under the bed. Because you might be surprised how someone reacts to that.”

If you want to play with toys, test the waters with your partner first – by talking it over.

You Have to Experiment

Sex toy retailers tend to bombard people with sensory adjectives. It’s called marketing, and while Glickman says it generally isn’t inaccurate, it tends to lead to one very inaccurate assumption: That all those words will describe your experience with a toy. You know what they say: One person’s leg-shaking orgasm might be another person’s onerous and unsuccessful attempt at sexual stimuation. That’s just the way it is with sex toys because our bodies are so different.

“Nothing works the same for everybody,” Glickman said. “If a toy really isn’t any good, they’ll stop manufacturing it very quickly. So, if you’ve seen a toy around for a while, chances are it works for a lot of people.”

Of course that still doesn’t mean it’ll work for you. In order to find that out, you’ll have to try it … and possibly practice a little at using it.

“Sometimes a toy works and sometimes it doesn’t, but try it again another day,” Glickman said. “You might need to try something a couple of times to figure out how to make it work for you.”

And don’t assume that bigger or harder or stronger is better. What’s better is what feels best to you. Find out what that is, and branch out from there.

Toys Widen Your Sexual Repertoire

“Sex is a lot like food,” Glickman says. “You never know what you’re going to like until you try it. So sometimes it pays to be a little adventurous.”

Sex toys are a great way to bring a little adventure into the bedroom, to experiment with new experiences and to share them with your partner. Plus, having a few around can really expand what’s on the menu – and that means you and your partner are more likely to leave the table feeling satisfied.

How Sex Toys Can Help You Play Nice With a Partner was originally published on Kinkly.


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